Cooking with Strider
by SektraZuryen
Summary: Dave and Karkat get bored and hungry, and stupidity follows. Rated T for coarse language.


"Hey Kitkat, im bored." Dave said, turning to face the troll sitting next to him. "WHATEVER. IF YOU SOOOO FUCKING BORED, THEN WHAT DO YOU WANNA DO?" Karkat asked, rolling his eyes. "I don't know! I mean, we've watched literally all of your movies like three times. And I can't even think of anything to throw sick fires about. You got any ideas?" Dave replied, laying down and staring at the ceiling.

"WELL, WE COULD GO SEE WHAT ROSE AND KANAYA ARE DOING. THEY'RE PROBOBLY AS BORED AS WE ARE." Karkat suggested. "Alright, let's go." Dave said, getting up and walking to the kitchen. "WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING STRIDER?" Karkat said, following him into the kitchen. "Looking for the others stupid. Man, where is everyone? I don't even see TZ or the clown anywhere!" Dave exclaimed, looking around.

"WELL FUCK. IM GOING BACK TO MY RESPITE BLOCK UNTIL ONE OF US THINKS OF SOMETHING TO DO." Karkat said, sighing in frustration and turning towards his room. "Can I come with you?" Dave said, wiggling his eyebrows and wrapping his arms around Karkat from behind. "GOD FUCKING DAMMIT STRIDER STOP THAT" Karkat screeched, pushing Dave off of him and blushing. "Woah calm down Kitkat, I was just joking!" Dave said, smiling and pulling Karkat into another hug.

Suddenly the two teens heard a quiet growling noise.

"Um, you ok Kitkat?"

"THAT WASNT ME FUCKASS"

Karkat pulled out of their hug, and began looking around for anything that could have growled. Soon the growling sound came again, but this time Dave burst into laughter when he heard it. "Come back KK, that was just my stomach!" He yelled. "WHAT THE FUCK DO MEAN THAT WAS JUST YOUR STOMACH? ARE HUMAN STOMACHS THAT LOUD!?" Karkat exclaimed, walking back into the room. "Whatever man, lets just get some food." Dave said, rummaging through the kitchen to find something edible.

"YOU SEE ANY GRUBLOAVES IN THERE?"

"Dude what the fuck is a grubloaf. Aren't grubs like troll babies or some shit? Did you just ask me for food made of your own species, because I had no idea you were a cannibal-"

"OH MY FUCKING GOD STRIDER SHUT UP. I'LL LOOK FOR IT MYSELF."

"Dude you didn't answer me."

"I SAID SHUT UP. DAMMIT, THERE ISNT EVEN ANY TUBER PASTE!"

"Ok seriously, what the fuck is that."

"STRIDER SHUT YOUR GODDAMN IGNORANCE TUNNEL AND HELP ME LOOK FOR FOOD."

"Ok, ok!"

After a few minutes of searching, Dave found an old box of pasta and Karkat found some bruised tomatoes. Dave put them in a pot, and put it on the stove. All seemed well until the fire alarm went off. "WHAT THE BULGESUCKING FUCK IS THAT!?" Karkat screeched, hiding behind Dave. "Dude chill, it's just a fire alarm." Dave said, frantically looking around for the source of the noise. He found the fire alarm after a few seconds and shut it off, then noticed a cloud of smoke rising from the stove. "Oh shit, whats wrong now!?" He exclaimed, running over and looking into the pot of now burning food.

"I THINK WE SHOULD HAVE ADDED WATER." Karkat said, peering into the pot as well. Dave took the smoking pot off of the stove, which he then shut off. "I think you're right. We probably should have cut the tomatoes or peeled them or some shit too." Dave said, waving his arms to try and disperse the thick smog now filling the kitchen. "OH GOD I CANT FUCKING BREATHE IN HERE" Karkat said, running out of the kitchen to open as many windows as he could. Rose and Kanaya suddenly ran into the kitchen, coughing and sputtering. "May I Inquire As To What The Hell Is Going On Here" Kanaya demanded. Dave shrugged. "Me and KK were trying to be sweet and make dinner for everyone" he said, trying to look innocent. "That Was Very Nice Of You But Please Dont Do It Again" Kanaya said. Rose, however, wasn't fooled. "Yes, we wouldn't want you to burn the meteor down." She said, a smirk stretching across her face.

Karkat ran back into the room and stared at Rose and Kanaya for a moment, then turned to Dave. "IS ALL THE SMOKE GONE? IT LOOKS LIKE IT." He said, otherwise unsure of what to do. Dave just nodded "Yeah, but now what the hell do we eat?" He said, gesturing towards the ransacked kitched. "Im Sure We'll Think Of Something. Come On You Two, I'll Take The Liberty Of Cooking This Time." Kanaya said, walking calmly towards the stove. Dave and Karkat followed her, making a silent pact to never speak of the incident again.


End file.
